"I haven t talked to your dad since the Dragon Boat Festival!" The old couple broke the ice and learned to speak without thorns first

"I haven't talked to your dad since the Dragon Boat Festival." Ms. Jiang, who is over 60 years old, suddenly burst out when she was having a meal with her daughter. Ms. Jiang and her husband were quarreling. When she was young, the husband became more irritable and even kicked. Now that the two are old, Ms. Jiang has practiced calmly and never responded. However, Ms. Jiang still took care of her husband's daily life, but her husband was not satisfied. When she went to the place to complain to her relatives, her wife gave her a stinky face.

Advisors and psychologists say that this is a typical "emotional withdrawal". If you can step on the bad car and establish friendly bridges before the behavioral pattern of destroying the relationship appears, there may be opportunities to improve.

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Consultation on the

Consultation on the Psychologists Association National Media Public Affairs Lin Cuifen said that Ms. Jiang is a typical emotional withdrawal because she has accumulated negative feelings for the other party for a long time. She felt that "the talk is not something he wants to hear. As long as she talks, the other party will get angry." At no cost, she has no choice but to have emotional movements and "retreat" psychologically.

Lin Cuifen analyzed that although the relationship is not yet enough, and she cannot tolerate it in the same room and is still willing to take care of the other party's daily life, her long-term experience has laid deep fear and fear that she will bring about anger and other uncomfortable feelings as soon as she opens her mouth, so she can only rely on "not talking" to make herself better.

Hong Qianhui, a clinical psychologist at the Psychological Guidance Center of Taiwan University Students, said that if the partner desires the other party’s response, it has never been understood or responded to. It is common for the relationship pattern to go to the cycle of "one run, one chase". For example, even though you have emotions in your heart, you also want to care about the other party, but because you have not expressed it well, it becomes a culprit or a joke. As a result, the other party does not feel cared for at all and just wants to escape.

Express feelings with good intentions. Starting from the reduction of harm

Hong Qianhui said that before the interaction mode of further breaking relationships appears, if you observe what behaviors continue to break relationships and step on the car for these behaviors, you will have a chance to change. Because for the relationship between the two, "reducing harm" alone is an improvement.

To reduce harm, we must start with maintaining our own mood. First, you have to allow your feelings and thoughts, and then you can try to express your feelings and thoughts in a kind way. If both parties are friendly and caring about each other, you can have a brief chat and practice expressing feelings and needs in a way that is not responsible, and adjusting the interaction method in a direction that can satisfy each other's needs.

Hong Qianhui reminds that the common need is to be affirmed and accepted in relationships, feel that the other party cares about themselves, feels that they are loved, and are a good person in the eyes of the other party. Remember these principles will interact with each other with a heart-to-heart, and the relationship will be improved more. If you still think it's difficult, you can consider accepting advice.

The consultant is good at helping people see what information they really want to convey under the thread of behavior. For example, the superficial reluctance and anger are actually not difficult to be cared for and injured, and understanding each other's true feelings more can make people get closer.