Uncle Zhang is just over 60 years old, and his work is not as busy as before, nor does he have to pay for it until midnight like he was young. In the days when he was facing his wife, what he most looked forward to was that he was surrounded by his side, so that he felt like he was playing with his slut.
However, when Uncle Zhang saw them, he became accustomed to "studying" the children. When you were studying, you said that you didn’t study mathematics well. Where did you go if you had that little point? After graduation, he entered the job. Even if his son found the most popular AI job at present, his father said disdainfully that it was just a job to play with a computer.
Now when the scattered women come home, they often don’t like their father’s old and slandered ideas, and just tell their father that he is out of date! Uncle Zhang replied that his wings are getting harder, and my words are all over my ears. The originally good family atmosphere, just under these words, the air instantly condenses.
My daughter once said that three days seemed to be a curse day. When I lived in school and now I went back to my parents' home, I would have a quarrel with my father for more than three days at home. This curse seems to never stop.
Since the education model of traditional Chinese society is often a slander education, children feel that their parents are not about love and concern, but about anger and hatred; especially when parents' concepts are excessively extreme, "they steal the cow in detail and steal the cow in the big and the kids" - when facing the unsuitable behavior of the child or their own intentions, they have the idea of "if they don't teach him well now, they will still be able to grow up."
Little do you know that if you just use the "hate iron but not steel" attitude and "teach it" every time, it will only make your children more and more afraid of their parents. It’s not unnecessary to be responsible, it depends on what kind of mentality you have to say about this matter! If you use the method of "not teaching well, that's fine", the child will develop into "not doing wrong things" or "not doing things in a way that is not the parents."
These ideas will hinder children's uniqueness and erase their differences. Over time, they will only turn their children out because they cannot live their own way, but they will have the freedom they want outside.
Under such communication, the relationship will never be good if the pressure on the latecomer and the reversal of the latecomer.
In contrast, there are many families. Whenever family members gather together, everyone laughs. The relationship between the family is not a strife, but a warm atmosphere is always being curled at home. Because parents are willing to let their children try it, it may be for academic, work, or even the choice of the other half of their future partners. There is no certain answer.
When the family is a communication environment and can express their own thoughts, this will attract the parents to come back frequently.
Many elders hope that when they get older, Sun will be able to bear the burden. How can they not let Sun go home without wanting to go home, but instead attract them to come back frequently?
1. First, you must put your body on your mind, see what your parents see, and hear what they say.
This is a way to put down your posture, and we can face their thoughts from a hearing perspective.
2. Secondly, don't think you are right.
We cannot achieve perfection in everything, so we should not look at others in this way, and do not face them with the attitude of "how, how, how". You can try to use "I think...it seems possible...it might be better" or "have you thought about other ways to do this?" to inquire about your child's ideas.
3. Respect their ideas.
When they do not do it with a strong sense, what we should do is not repeating them repeatedly, but instead say to them, "Although I don't agree with you, I respect your choices." Let them still be free to do what they want to do.
4. The journey is effective and encourages them to move towards their dreams.
When children decide what they cannot change them to what you expect, why not be a scattered person, bless them, and encourage them to continue moving in their direction.
5. Put away your knife mouth.
When they fail, don't say, "Look, I told you before, you don't hear it. Now you're in trouble!" What we can do is: "I saw that you have done everything in this matter. I'm willing to be by your side and spend this difficult time with you."
When these words often appear at home, home is a place that is easy to attract people to come back.
Clinical psychologist warm reminder:
1. Children have their own ideas. As long as they are not doing bad things, although parents have their own concerns, they still let them do it freely for the sake of relationships.
2. When they fail, they still stand here and become their support and backing, it will be easier to deepen their relationship with each other.
(This article is authorized to be reprinted with the "Long Love Photo")